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The Happily Ever After

September 13, 2011

It’s been five months since I’ve been weight restored, and in all seriousness, my life has never been better.

 

As far as ED’s go, my anorexia (or any aspect of it) is no more. I do not measure my food or count calories. I eat what I want, when I want, without a thought or worry about it; my relationship with food has become natural and normal once again. I don’t deny myself the food I want, but I don’t force myself to eat something because “I should,” nor do I force myself to finish my meal. I’ve somehow learned to find the perfect balance for me. I eat a lot, but not too much. I move a lot, but not too much. I eat when I’m hungry and don’t eat if I’m not, even if the times are a little odd. These days, food in my life is something I thoroughly enjoy whilst I’m eating, then I finish and move on to something else; I don’t obsess.

 

If you ask me, that’s the way it should be, because when you’re not busy obsessing about weight or calories, you have plenty of extra time to just live your life – because my life is no longer about my past ED. My life is about so much more.

 

I now have the energy and desire to be 16 and to live it up. I’ve had sleepovers, eaten in restaurants, been on dates, gone shopping, hung out for hours at a time with friends, gone on vacation, and gone back to school – all things I never would have (or even could have) done while sick.

 

For the first time in two years, I am happy. It’s a deep, honest happiness that emanates from my very core, one that I wake up and go to sleep with every single day.

 

Sure, sometimes school stresses me out, dance tires me, and friends annoy me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. When I think about it, my life won’t ever be completely “perfect,”  but what it is now is perfect enough for me.

 

I’ll only be a teenager once, and I plan on making it the it the best time of my life.  And so far, I have been.

 

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. September 14, 2011 12:21 am

    Such an inspiring post, and I am so happy for YOUR happiness 🙂
    While I am remaining firmly committed to my recovery, I still dream about the days when I don’t think about what I eat – when I can finally allow myself to eat what I want, when I want it.
    Society has such strict rules for meal times, and I feel that if I don’t eat meals when it’s “normal”, then I am somehow being abnormal/disordered. This is not always the case. I have always been one to snack and graze rather than indulge in large meals, 3x a day.

    I have a ways to go, but I am in the best place I have been both mentally & physically in the past year, so I am proud of that!

    I wish you the best in your continued recovery – life sounds awesome and to some extent, pretty amazingly carefree 🙂 Enjoy it while you’re still a teenager!

    • September 15, 2011 11:21 pm

      Thank you so much Alli!!!!
      It takes so much time – months, if not years – but you will get there too. You WILL be free one day. Always remember that. 🙂

  2. September 14, 2011 1:57 am

    love this so much.

  3. September 14, 2011 5:07 am

    So happy for you Bryana! So so happy!!

    xxx

  4. September 14, 2011 6:27 am

    I am so pleased for you. This post is the most encouraging one ever, and everyone struggling with an eating disorder should read it because it proves that life really IS amazing when ED isn’t getting in the way! I will think of this post whenever I am struggling 🙂 I too am in a better place than I was just a few weeks ago. This is because I have finally stoppoed weighing myself. It was just too triggering and I am better off going by how I feel rather than what a number on the scakles says. A number shouldn’t rule your life!

  5. September 15, 2011 11:30 am

    I am SO SO happy for you 🙂 It is wonderful to see you so happy and enjoying the life you deserve to have!!!

  6. September 15, 2011 3:17 pm

    This is AMAZING, Bryana! I am SO happy for you! To be 16 and still have those precious teenage years ahead of you and gained this wisdom on life is incredible. You truly WILL make the most of your teenage years by continuing to live the way you are now. I can’t wait to continue following your journey. You’re such an inspiration to me!

  7. September 17, 2011 7:40 pm

    This is wonderful — You are truly amazing!

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