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I’m Back!

August 26, 2011

Hey guys. I got back from Hungary over a week ago now.

Up until today, I’ve had no desire to blog. Actually….I don’t have much of a desire to blog right now, but I really need to write some things out.

I’ve been having a rough few days. Well, weeks, actually. Since summer intensive, my relationship with food has been really screwy. I’ve been restricting and despite that, I’m still gaining weight. Maybe it’s water weight, or maybe I’ve destroyed my metabolism. I’m thinking my period should come soon, so maybe it’s that. Either way, my weight’s up, my mood’s down, and I feel very helpless.

Ballet starts on Monday (unless Irene gets in the way…) and I know that will make me feel better. And the week after that, school starts, and that’ll be amazing!!!!

But for right now, I sit at home all day doing schoolwork, trying to ignore my hunger, and going crazy in my own head.

It’s also not helping that Aj’s leaving on Tuesday, which is making me really depressed.

I guess with time this will all get better, but in the moment, I feel like a huge damn mess.

Q~

How’s you August been?

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. August 27, 2011 5:42 am

    OMG you have been going through the exact same thing as me. I restricted so much and still gained so much weight. I’m now eating normally again to reboost my metabolism. i know this means I’ll initially gain weight again, but if i was doing that anyway I might as well do it while eating healthy right?! (Rhetorical question-of course that’s better!). I’ve not been looking at my weight since I started eating normally again since i don’t want it to be triggering, but ianother week I will look again and see what’s happening! 😀

    My August has been filled with reading and waiting for my pottermore e-mail XD I hope you feel better soon hun!

  2. August 27, 2011 11:39 am

    GAH I MISSE DYO!! hang in there girl.. its just a rough patch right now.. ride the waveee!

  3. August 27, 2011 1:38 pm

    Hey girl I’ve been struggling with some restriction, too, and it really sucks. But like you said, ballet and school are both starting up soon so hopefully they’ll get you out of this funk and help you re-establish healthy eating patterns.

    I started school last Monday and that’s been going pretty well and I’m settling in to my new dorm. So nothing too exciting haha 😛

  4. August 28, 2011 6:05 am

    Yay, I was hoping you’d start blogging again soon. I missed you 😦 It’s really terrible that you’re suffering right now – I want to give you some advice or help you out some way, but I’m struggling with the same thing, so I’m no help… Just look after yourself. I really hope school/ballet make you feel better ❤ xxx

  5. August 28, 2011 9:43 am

    Awww, hang in there. Hugs!

  6. Camilla permalink
    August 28, 2011 11:52 am

    missed you!! 🙂

  7. August 28, 2011 2:33 pm

    so glad to see you back, but so sorry you are struggling 😦 With your friend leaving and everything, it must be tough. You will get through it though. Always remember that your ED doesn’t help at all in the long run, it just makes things worse.

    Stay strong ❤

    Scott

  8. August 28, 2011 3:31 pm

    I’m thinking of you, Bryana! *HUGS* I’m sorry that things are so difficult right now- I can only imagine how hard it must be with AJ moving away. That’s good that you think things will get easier once you get back to ballet and school- but I would challenge you to not wait around until then to fight your eating disorder. As hard as it is, and as cheesy as it sounds, please do your best to seize the moment and stand up to your eating disorder RIGHT NOW- the longer you restrict, the harder it is to get back on track- I know you know this. I would encourage you to re-read some of your old posts where you are eating healthy amounts and feeling happy. It’s so easy when trapped in the ED to forget that things weren’t always this bad and that eating healthy amounts actually improves one’s mood, so it might help to remind yourself of this. Don’t give up, girl. You’re worth recovery and you don’t deserve to be hungry and malnourished- you are so much MORE. ❤

  9. August 29, 2011 1:55 pm

    Hang in there girl. I know you can do it!

  10. August 30, 2011 9:22 am

    you CAN DO THIS !!! Read some of your old posts..

  11. September 1, 2011 3:32 pm

    I’ve missed your posts, Bryana! I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling right now. You can do this, you really truly can!

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