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And Yet Again, I’m Speechless!

June 10, 2011

Well, the title says it all. Oh my frikin’ goodness. Thank you all so much for your support on my very disordered last post. As Katy pointed out, I didn’t write it, my horrible ED did. I’d had a rough week and an absolutely terrible day, and I just really needed to vent. Honestly, your support and encouragement were what got me back on my feet. I got a few comments when I woke up the next morning, and they were my motivation to eat a proper, ED-free breakfast. Throughout the course of the day I kept getting your comments, and all that love and care got me through this mess with a positive attitude. Well…it also helped that my stomach had gone down (not all the way flat, but quite a bit). Really though, your comments were the slap in the face I desperately needed to get back on track. The words “thank you” don’t even come close to describing how much I love all of you. I am so lucky to call you my friends.

Cottage cheese, kashi go lean, banana slices, and strawberry jam.

 

Yesterday and today have been so much better. I didn’t restrict at all, and I didn’t obsess over my stomach. I did body check several times, both today and yesterday, but I when I didn’t like what I saw, I just stopped and did something else. I didn’t want it to keep getting me down.

I’ve had some of distractions, and I have to say that they’ve helped a lot. Yesterday, I went shopping with my mommy at Anthropologie. (I got 3 new skirts and a pair of shorts!)  Today, I went to see The Hangover, Part II with a group of friends. When I had these things to occupy myself with, my focus  shifted off my stomach and back to the world around me.

Protein oatmeal: 1/3 cup rolled oats, a serving of chocolate whey protein powder, an egg white, and some truvia. I topped it with a blob of almond butter. Yum! And check out that cute little spoon! I got 6 (in all different colors) and I’ve been eating tons of yogurt, cottage cheese, and oatmeal just so I can use these spoons.

 

A few of you brought up a great point. You asked if I was having some sort of recent struggle or challenge that was causing me to revert back to restriction as a coping mechanism. I thought about it, and the only thing that comes to mind is school work. I have 1 2/3 courses left to finish, as well as a crap ton of summer work for AP Bio, and an Honors English summer project. I’ll be dancing almost daily for 5 weeks, and then on vacation for another two. So far, I’ve been working through it really quickly,  but I’m so scared that I won’t finish it all in time. I’ve known for weeks that I have all this work, but maybe just the thought that I have less than three months left is starting to get to me. I don’t know.

All I know is I’ve once again proven to myself that restriction does nothing except make me feel even shittier. I (hopefully) won’t be going down that road again.

Well, I’m off to play a game of manhunt with mis amigos. It’s girls against boys – I know we’ll kick their butts.

 

Qs~

What helps you get through bad body image days?

Distractions, distractions, distractions.

What’s your favorite food to eat with a spoon?

Oatmeal!

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. proudpatriot07 permalink
    June 10, 2011 7:53 pm

    Oatmeal is super yummy, seriously… and yours looks very, very tasty right now :). But I’m having pizza for dinner so yeah!

    Sorry things are so stressful between school, dance, and vacation… but at least you’re learning how to deal with it and restricting food intake really isn’t the way. New clothes are always awesome too, definitely a confidence booster there to look cute!

    A.L.

  2. June 10, 2011 10:16 pm

    Bryana, I am so happy that you were able to shine through on this rough slip and see the light. If you’re anything like me right now, you’re probably still feeling a bit uneasy even though you’ve started to eat properly again. But the fact that you are willing to allow yourself to feel the stresses of life without trying to numb them out is a courageous and beautiful thing. Each day it will get easier – we just have to carry on doing the RIGHT thing. After all, these slips are what help us to grow and make us stronger. I know that I am still feeling urges to restrict and exercise and fall back into old habits, but like you, I have recognised that it’s because my life is feeling pretty stressful right now. What I have to keep reminding myself is that EVERYBODY feels these kinds of stresses too – not just us. Everybody handles their emotions in different ways, some are able to handle them better than others. But no matter what, it always works out well in the end.

    I’m so proud of you for stopping yourself before you took it too far. That, my friend, has proven to me that you are so much stronger than you think. Use that determination and strength and you will be able to achieve anything 🙂

    xxx

  3. June 10, 2011 10:27 pm

    Yay for getting back on track! I definitely agree that stressful situations can make us turn to ED behaviors to cope so it’s understandable that you were struggling but the point is that you were able to turn it around which makes you way stronger than stupid ED! You’ve worked so hard and I’m happy that you didn’t let a few bad days derail you.

    I really hate bad body image days too but usually I try to distract myself like you said, maybe go shopping or watch a movie.

    That spoon is adorable! I love to eat coffee froyo, Greek yogurt or cereal with my spoons but I don’t have any as cute as yours. I bet your new clothes are cute, too!

  4. June 10, 2011 10:55 pm

    Ah, Bryana!

    I am SO proud of you! I have had a really rough 2 days with restricting also and reading this tonight encouraged me that I can continue getting back on track too, thank you. Keeping ourselves away from black and white thinking is so important and you’re really doing it. Ed always tells me that if I slip once I might as well just go all the way back, but that’s SO not true. A bad couple of days doesn’t mean then next few can’t be GREAT. You’re proof of this my dear!

    Those oats look yummy and that spoon is adorable! : )

    Keep fighting through this, girl. You are SO much stronger than ed!
    xxx

  5. June 10, 2011 11:51 pm

    I’m glad your feeling better. Keep your chin up, girl!

    If I’m having a bad day, I’ll sometimes get dressed up with make-up, jewlery, and everything to sort of “fake it”. And it actually helps me feel a little better.

    Spoons are for the yummiest things – yogurt, oatmeal, ice cream, soup…:)

  6. Jessica permalink
    June 11, 2011 8:09 am

    It’s great to hear you are feeling better! You should be so proud of yourself and the way you are dealing with challenges of recovery! You keep knocking it out of the park girl! 🙂

    Oatmeal is my favorite thing to eat with a spoon too! And yogurt, of course!

    On bad body image days, sometimes I go for distraction. Other days, I focus on myself for a little bit, do my nails, read magazines (whatever I fancy) and try and honor my body a little bit in order to get some positivity back!

  7. June 14, 2011 3:29 pm

    That oat meal looks yummy! I think I will make that tonight for dinner ( i love breakfast foods! haha)
    I had cottage cheese and an apple for breaky too!

    Body image days are hard.. I get a massage. Or sit in sauna and relax.. go for a walk, or to see a movie by yourself.. something funny and light hearted.

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