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OCD Part 2 and Mozzarella Sticks

April 15, 2011

Happy Friday everyone!!!

I am so thankful for all your feedback on yesterday’s post. I’m sorry that so many of you seem to struggle to some degree with the same thing. But, (and I know this is waaaaay selfish of me) I’m  relieved to know that I am not the only one who has these insane thoughts. Thank you all for your incredible support and for sharing your own experiences.

So after re-watching yesterday’s vloggie, I realized I left quite a few obsessions out, and I decided to come up with a list of as many of them as I could think of. Like I said, this OCD post was about compulsions; this post will be more about the obsessions. I am sorry to keep belaboring this point, but by writing it all out, I am actually feeling better. This’ll be the last OCD post for a while, I promise.

My Ca-ra-zeeeeee obsessions:

  • Getting shot while alone in public, especially while walking down the street. Like I mentioned in the vloggie, I always fear that I will be the victim of a drive-by shooting.
  • Being killed in my shower when I am home alone. I went into more detail about this one already. But in some sick, twisted way, this one makes sense. I mean, I would be  trapped. And I’d already be naked. It would just be too easy for an attacker to rape then kill me. Ugh, this one is one of the worst and most senseless.
  • Getting kidnapped while walking home from my friends’ houses in the dark. I have two friends on my street who both live a few houses down from me. I hate having to walk home in the dark from one of their homes. I sprint like my life depends on it because I am so afraid to get mugged in the dead of night.
  • Getting killed in my therapist’s office. Wow, as I re-read that I shook my head at the absurdity. Killed in my therapist’s office? How stupid. But anyway, her office is very small, and the waiting room is smaller. The door to the waiting room creaks each time it’s opened or closed. I imagine hearing the door open, and having some insane, vengeful patient busting in and shooting us both.
  • Getting shot at in the mall. This one makes a teensy-weensy bit of sense. I mean, there’s no way of searching people who enter, right? So anyone could bring in a weapon and harm people. Anyway…I am afraid of being there when a psycho comes in and shoots the place up.
  • Being killed in my basement. Our laundry room is in our basement. Whenever I have to go down there and I am home alone, I always imagine there’s some freak with a weapon hiding in my basement, waiting to attack.
  • Being  followed to my house then killed. I also mentioned this in the vlog, but if I am in a car and another car has been following driving behind me for a few minutes, I freak out that the person is going to follow me to my house and hurt me when I get out of the car.
  • Being shot to death in the movie theater. This is a big one. There is no way to know who’s carrying what into the theater with them. Anyone could theoretically have a gun. And if I’m in the theater already, there is no way for me to escape the room, because none of the exits are easily accessible. I’ve always tried to plan and escape route though, just in case…  

Well, I think there is a theme going here.

  1. My imaginary weapon of choice is a gun. In almost all of the scenarios, I get shot.
  2. I think all of these thoughts when I am alone. I guess if I’m with someone, I subconsciously assume they’ll protect me, so I don’t get scared.

All of your incredible comments yesterday confirmed what I had been thinking. Because I don’t have ED in my head, I need another way to let out/cope with anxiety. When I was so involved with ED, I didn’t notice the world around me. All my energy was spent obsessing in some way about food, and it was my safety. Now that it isn’t, I have energy to think about other (sometimes horrible) things, but no safety net to fall on. I dunno if that’s right or not, but I do know it needs to stop.

Anywho, I am sorry that I keep rambling about this. And I don’t know about you, but all my negativity is bringing me down. How ’bout we talk about a yummy mozzarella stick sandwich to cheer us up? 🙂

[source]

Did any of you eat these growing up? I know I sure did. I had this tradition with my mom when I was younger, where after every Friday dance class, we’d have dinner at Friendly’s. I always ordered the mozzarella sticks with the marinara dipping sauce.

The other day, I was really craving pasta, but I wasn’t very hungry. So I made a sandwich with all the pasta toppings.

I lightly toasted two slices of ezekiel bread and heated a frying pan. In the meantime, I strung (stringed?) 1 stick of string cheese. I mixed the shredded mozzarella with pasta sauce and grated parmesan cheese. Then I spread the mixture between the 2 slices of bread and toasted the sandwich in the pan until the mozzarella was all melty.

I enjoyed my sandwich with some BBQ chips and sweet honeydew.

All I can say is YUM. This tasted just like the mozzarella sticks of my childhood. The bread was like the breading on the cheese, the cheese was like, well, the cheese, and the sauce inside tasted exactly like the dipping sauce. Mmmm, so freakin’ delicious!

Live action shot. Check out that melty, oozey amazing-ness!

Ahhh, the memories. I made this sandwich for dinner the next night too!

Guys, if you eat dairy, I highly suggest you make this sandwich for your next meal. If you don’t, use vegan cheese. Either way, make this sandwich. I promise you won’t regret it.

Qs~

How do you deal with your OCD thoughts? (I know this is practically the same questions as I asked yesterday. Sorry about that.)

Mozzarella sticks: yum or yuck?

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. claire permalink
    April 15, 2011 2:57 pm

    Those look delicious, love the action shot 😀

  2. April 15, 2011 3:55 pm

    I think I had mozzarella sticks once..I don’t think I liked ’em. Mostly I think because they’re shaped like french frieds but once you bite the outer layers they’re goey not crunchy, so eh. Lol..As for the OCD thoughts…Well after the millionth time of the same repetitive anxiety ridden thought happening, I just know I’ll be fine it’s a -I’m going to be scared, it’ll happen, it’ll pass, and then I’ll move on. So basically I don’t feel I can stop myself from feeling scared, but know that it’s happened a million times before and nothing happened and therefore I can get through it again easily. I just take it in stride and make sure I just keep moving forward. It’s odd, it’s two levels of conciousness *scared subconcious feeling* followed by “So what?”..not sure I explained that well XP

  3. April 15, 2011 4:48 pm

    I’ve never had mozzarella sticks, but your picture ( and description!) made me feel like I am loosing out on some deliciousness! I LOVE cheese. Absolutely love it. Don’t think there is such a thing as too much cheese on a bread? Especially not when paired with Philadelphia cheese under the normal cheese. Ah.

    Regarding your obsessive thoughts, you might be right that this is another expression of your anxiety. When you are not anxious about food any longer, your anxiety can concentrate on something else – such as the fear of being killed. I can relate to this, because ever since I was little I have feared a lot of the things you’ve mentioned. I was afraid to be out cuddling with my rabbit when it was dark, because I was convinced there was some crazy person hiding behind a tree with a gun. I was also afraid of going down in the basement, not because of spiders but because of the fear of who might be hiding down there. It was really exhausting. These thoughts have not been very present since developing ED, but maybe this has the same cause as your increased OCD now. I focus my anxiety towards food, leaving less energy to fear what I previously obsessed about. Hm. Your post got me thinking.

    Take care of yourself, beautiful one. Thank you for your kind and supportive words, they mean a lot to me. Know that you are such an inspiration to people, be proud of yourself!

  4. time for happiness permalink
    April 15, 2011 8:12 pm

    mozzarella stucks: yum
    how to get over ocd thoughts: when you find a good answer tell me, its a huge struggle for me too 😦

  5. April 16, 2011 7:22 am

    I’ve never had mozzarella sticks but I really want some now! We don’t really get them here, though. BOOOO! I’ve been having a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches recently. There is just something about melty cheese that I can’t resist 😉
    xxx

  6. April 16, 2011 6:31 pm

    that looks SO good!!! I have got to try it 🙂

    And as far as OCD thoughts, I guess I just try to keep myself occupied, but that probably isn’t a great solution … :/

    I hope you are having an absolutely fantastic day!

    Scott

  7. April 16, 2011 6:44 pm

    That looks so good that I might actually eat cheese one day soon. I normally don’t but one sandwich is not going to kill me.

    I’ve had some thoughts like that but not quite as extreme and not as often. I used to have this habit where every time I came home, I’d have to go around the house and check all the closets, bathtubs, showers, and any place somebody could possibly hide. I would probably still do it if we didn’t have 2 huge dogs that would never let somebody trespass! Plus two more that can bark and sound scary even if they can’t attack.

    I always have this awful fear when I’m running down in town that some guy is going to somehow kidnap, rape, and kill me because it would be so easy to just pull me off the sidewalk and into a house or car… *shudder.* And occasionally I get the nighttime creeps where I “hear” somebody outside my window just waiting for me to fall asleep. (nonsense because I’m on the second floor and we live way out of town.. but he could have a ladder) (<–seems to only involve MEN)

    I don't know if it's OCD though, because these thoughts aren't constant. I used to be wayyyy more paranoid but somehow I just naturally stopped I guess? I had the shower fear too. 😦 That's horrifying!

  8. Sarah permalink
    April 17, 2011 5:32 pm

    OCD SUCKS. I hate it SO much. Gah, I can relate to everything you said. Especially this: “Because I don’t have ED in my head, I need another way to let out/cope with anxiety.”

    That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. Since I’ve started to eat more my OCD rituals have gotten much worse. There have always been little things here and there that I did, but nothing like where I’m at now…taking 45 minutes to an hour performing rituals just before I’m able to sit down and eat dinner :/. Gah, it’s so crazy. I’m seeing a psychiatrist for OCD meds this week. Maybe if you feel your rituals are becoming more intrusive this might be an option for you?? I’m so anti-medication but I feel like I’m reaching the point where I can’t control it. I’ve tried to stop and it just hasn’t gotten much better. Uuurrgghh!

    Sorry to vent all my OCD frustrations to you! lol. I can just relate A LOT.

    xxx

    • Sarah permalink
      April 17, 2011 5:33 pm

      P.S. I realized that my anxiety meds weren’t cutting it for me a couple of weeks ago after finding that tapping on the cap of my medicine bottle IS one of my OCD rituals : o. LOL

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