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Horrible Obsessions

April 14, 2011


So I did a post a while back about my OCD. The post was mainly about my compulsions, habits and rituals. I’ve had some degree of OCD for years, and up until now, it’s only been those compulsions.

Recently, I started having these horribly upsetting obsessions. My habits haven’t gotten any worse, but these thoughts are becoming so intrusive. If you’re not really sure of the difference between obsessions and compulsions, you can read more about them here.

So anyway, I made a little vloggie to try to explain this better.

I wanted to also add that these thoughts have been very recent, only within the last month or two. I really have no idea why my mind wanders like this and I would like nothing more than for it to stop. Hopefully with time these thoughts will go away. I dunno, we’ll see what happens I guess.



Do you have any OCD issues – either obsessions, compulsions or both?

If so, have you asked for/gotten any sort of help?

9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 14, 2011 1:19 pm

    OMG this is so freaky because I aM THE SAME.. (with the fear of someone killing me or shooting me) when Im out in public places I can picture someone pulling out a gun and shooting or blowing up. its SO SCARY… i can control it… but ive had it FOREVER.. ever since I was a little kid,

  2. beth1207 permalink
    April 14, 2011 5:21 pm


    I haven’t commented before, but your vlog really hit a chord with me. I used to have some of the things that you mentioned when I was younger, but nowhere near as bad as what you are experiencing, and luckily they stopped as I grew older. I really suggest that you talk to someone, a family member, or a professional. I always find that having an outlet for the horrible things that are happening in my head is a way to start to understand and heal. Medication is only one option. I hope that these obsessions leave you soon as you seem like such a beautiful person and you deserve to be happy without anything evil in your head. ❤

  3. April 14, 2011 6:00 pm

    Those kinds of thoughts have occured my whole life, not so much about those types of things, but repetitive constant irrational fears. They went away when I got my eating disorders (as it turned into my eating disorder) and then I find when my eating disorder habits are less..”used” my other obsessive habits about other things occur more. I’ve had a psychiatrist that I spoke to say it’s basically just since I don’t have my food obsessions, the anxiety finds another outlet >_<""

  4. April 14, 2011 7:27 pm

    Believe it or not, as my ED thoughts have left my mind these irrational thoughts (like yours) have popped into my head as well. It’s freaky because it only tends to happen to me when I’m feeling “exposed”. Like if I’m out for a walk and I walk past anyone or anything – especially dogs – my heart starts to beat really fast, thoughts start racing and I think about who’s going to be the one to tell my family when someone finds me dead. It’s crazy! I hate these thoughts too but it seems to me that you possibly get them when you’re feeling exposed and vulnerable as well? I could be on the wrong wavelength there but I think that I get them because since I don’t have an eating disorder to find comfort in anymore, I have nothing to make me feel “safe” in a way and so in situations where I used to not care or even think about these irrational fears, I now can’t make them stop because I have no safety net in my mind. Does that make sense?

    For the first few months of this year, I would often burst into tears because I was so afraid of dying. Not because I was in any rough situation but because I don’t know what comes after death and I just freak myself out and think, “OMG I don’t want to just turn into nothing!” And then I would start thinking about people I love dying and ugh…yeah I’m starting to freak out now even thinking about it.

    I can understand that it’s incredibly hard to handle. But remember, if you see a doctor about it, they can’t MAKE you take drugs – that’s not really the answer anyway. I suggest you talk to someone about it sooner rather than later. I’m going to talk to my counsellor about it next week so perhaps I could let you know what she says to me.

    It’s oddly comforting to know that I’m not the only one to get these thoughts…but it sucks at the same time.


  5. April 14, 2011 7:40 pm

    i get really scared about a lot of similar things. mine aren’t to the same extent as yours– but whenever is see someone shady or even a beaten up truck my heart drops and my knees go weak and i kind of lose it for a bit. i also hear things when i’m home alone. i think it would really help if you talk to someone, but not necessarily with the intention of receiving medication — talk to your mom or a friend and tell them about your fears and thoughts and maybe have them with you. i find that human interaction with people i trust alleviates these terrors. for me, it’s a huge fear of abandonment.

  6. time for happiness permalink
    April 14, 2011 10:16 pm

    I can completley and totallllllly relate. I freak out in movie theaters some times because I am like ” whats stopping from someone coming in here and shooting us all?” and there’d be no way out… or like the shower thing, I freak out about that too. But then theres also this terrible thing I have with knocking on wood and its almost always thinking someones going to die and as long as I can knock on wood whatever the situation is its okay, but if I cant knock on wood its like an absolute catastrophe…so yes I understand completley and get that itsreally scary and difficult.. I wish I had some advice for you but I dont, all I can say is that I relate and it really is not fun 😦

  7. April 14, 2011 10:53 pm

    I have so many of the same thoughts you mentioned! It’s really scary but at least now I know I’m not crazy! Like I am so scared when I’m home alone, I hear footsteps that aren’t there and I swear someone is in my house, even though we have a security system and I would knownif someone got in. Or when I’m walking alone I keep looking behind me to make sure no one is following me and is about to attack me or something. It’s so insane, and like you said, no way to live! But I’ve never told anyone about it because I thought they would just blow me off. I’m glad that so many people relate, even though it completely sucks!

  8. April 16, 2011 3:08 pm

    I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with such awful obsessions!!! I agree with you that it’s awesome that you got rid of one monster in your head, and you don’t need to be dealing with another! I also think you have a good point that it could well be that the OCD thoughts are replacing the ED thoughts. I’ve never had OCD, but the same thing happened to my close friend when she started doing a lot better in recovery from her eating disorder. I think you should mention this to your doctor… he/she may have some helpful suggestions. From what I know about medication, it can be very helpful in sort of “shutting off” the obsession thoughts, but I understand that you don’t want to take medication. Maybe it’s something to at least think a little bit about, though? I’ll be thinking of you!!!! Take care and hang in there. I’m proud of you for how you’re handling this. ❤

  9. April 16, 2011 5:30 pm

    That is so terrifying, and I hate it that you have to go through that 😦

    I have some of those thoughts, but not ever really that bad. They ARE scary, and it sucks :/ There is no shame in getting help though, really. I think telling your therapist would be great, that is what they are there for! I am sure they could help 🙂

    Stay strong, praying that this passes quickly ❤


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