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April 9, 2011

I’m learning that being social is not a bad thing. In fact, I’ve decided that it’s a very good thing indeed. This post will be short because my friend is coming over in 10 minutes (off to be social again :-)) but I want to do a quick recap of the past few days.

Thursday and Friday afternoon, I hung out with my friend SH. I haven’t seen her in a month, which is pathetic since she lives 2 houses down from me on my street. It was so great to talk and catch up.

Friday evening, I went to a fundraiser basketball game that was raising money for autism awareness/research. Now this game was held in my old high school. I was scared shitless to be going back. The memories I have of that place are horrible. Honestly, I picture my high school as hell. Literal hell. When my dad dropped me off in the morning I fantasized about him grasping onto my hand, locking the door and not letting me leave the car. That was how badly I didn’t want to enter the building. But now I have realized that the high school wasn’t the problem. It wouldn’t have mattered where I was, because with anorexia, everywhere was hell.

When I first got to the school last night, all the negative thoughts flooded back about how much I hated being there, and how scary it was. But soon after, newer, positive thoughts came. I thought, “Wow, this place isn’t so bad. I truly feel like I could handle being a student here.” Actually, I’ve decided to go back to public high school for junior and senior year. I am sick of the isolation and excited to go back. But that’s a story for another day.

C and AJ were there, and having two great friends by my side made the whole three hours I was there very fun. Like I said before, AJ and I have a no holds barred relationship, and so even in such a public place, or conversations were…interesting…if ya’ catch ma’ drift. Anyway, it was so great, and honestly, I am looking forward to my next chance to go back to that school…for whatever reason.

Now tonight my other friend K (not the anorexic girl K from ballet) is coming over. I’m not sure what we will do, but since I haven’t seen her in a month either, I am sure we’ll have lots to talk about. She’s going to be here in 5 minutes now, so I want to finish up.

I guess the moral of this quick and scrambled post is this: now that I am at a healthy weight (112 beautiful pounds ladies and gent. Remember, goal weight was 110!!!) I have the physical energy and mental desire for social interaction. Because of my weight and the health that came with it, I am finally free to live once again!!!


Do you have a “no holds barred” relationship with anybody?

Has your social life changed with weight gain?

11 Comments leave one →
  1. April 9, 2011 11:45 pm

    That’s amazing that you have been able to open up more and have a really great social life! I think anorexia really can isolate us, and it sucks, so it’s good to get back to the point where you can go out with friends and enjoy it. Personally, I’ve never been a social butterfly, except around people I’m really close to (then I’m talking nonstop lol) but as my recovery has progressed, I’m more willing to do stuff with friends, like go out to dinner. I have a really good friend who lives a few rooms down from me in my dorm and we get dinner someplace once or twice a month and it’s not scary for me anymore!

    My relationship with my sister is extremely close, so we can talk about the most awkward stuff without it being awkward. And I never get bored talking with her since we have so much in common. But I only get to see her twice a month and on school vacations so that’s been hard. But I think it’s really great that you have a friend you can talk to about whatever and whenever. AJ sounds like a great guy 🙂

  2. April 10, 2011 2:02 am

    I too used to isolate when I was into my ED. Well done on going out and having a great time, and its great you’ve decided to go back to high school. It really shows people how life gets so much better when you’re at a healthy weight!

    I still struggled with isolating myself, although I have never been an incredibly outgoing person. But now I am at a healthy, happy weight, much of the anxiety seems to have gone 🙂


    ps. I’m not sure if you got the comment on your last post, but I have only just discovered your blog. Last night I pretty much read my way through it all and I think you are such an inspiration in your recovery and very pretty.

    • April 10, 2011 9:28 pm

      Yes, I did recieve your last comment. I am happy that your anxiety has decreased. I noticed that with myself too. Higher weight = lower anxiety.

  3. April 10, 2011 6:56 am

    It’s awesome that you are living it up with your friends again. I definitely find that my social life has changed now that I’ve gained weight. I don’t feel as though I’m the odd one out anymore or that anyone is judging me. I have to the energy to stay out all night if i really wanted to AND have fun which is the most important part 😛


  4. April 10, 2011 9:37 am

    Yay for friends and being sociable!!

    I have a few “no holds” barred relationships and they’re great. I love being able to be 100% myself with someone without fear that they’re going to judge me – it’s so liberating.

    And since going into recovery it’s SO much easier to be social. I actually have the energy to talk to people and be interesting, and I don’t avoid every social gathering because of the food involved.

  5. time for happiness permalink
    April 10, 2011 10:01 am

    Well I am proud of you for being social 🙂 I am so glad it was a good experience in the end for going back to school! I’m excited to read about that!

  6. April 10, 2011 3:54 pm

    I am so so happy for you Bryana. I know I say this in almost every comment, but I am so proud of you for fighting ED.
    Becoming more social is difficult but it is so much easier with weight gain. I’ve created relationships with people and strengthened existing bonds now that malnutrition can’t hold me back.

  7. katie permalink
    April 10, 2011 7:38 pm

    hey there! i just realized somehing….are you from ny? im from long island!

  8. April 11, 2011 12:20 pm

    YAY! I am so glad you got to enjoy time with friends 🙂 I know that when I started to get to a healthy weight, people noticed I was so much more social. They noticed it even before I myself did! And these are friends that never knew about my ED, to my knowledge at least..

    Health is a BEAUTIFUL thing! I love seeing you so happy 🙂


  9. April 11, 2011 1:15 pm

    That’s awesome you enjoyed yourself! So you’re going back to school then?
    I hate my old school. :/ Bleh. For me I don’t think it was just because of anxiety and my eating disorder. I really love my online school now and I love being on my own with my own shedule! 🙂 I’ve never been a very sociable person. When I chose to be homeschooled I tried to make absolute sure that it wasn’t for the wrong reasons – meaning my eating disorder mostly. 🙂 I’m so glad I did this school instead.

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