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Over It.

March 26, 2011

Hola. Como estan ustedes? Bien? Bien.

I am feeling so un-creative tonight, but I really need to post this. So sorry if it is a little jumbled.

I have something I’d like to share with you guys. It’s something I’m very proud of (I think). It feels surreal right now, and I can’t really believe that I’ve made it the whole day without a panick attack, tantrum, or depression and isolation.

So, here’s what I did. No, scratch that. Here’s what I didn’t do. I didn’t count calories today. Not once, for even a single meal. 

I measured oats for oat-to-water ratio purposes and nut butter (’cause I don’t feel ready to tackle that yet). I also measured fruit for my oatmeal but didn’t calculate how many calories it equalled. I didn’t measure anything at all for lunch. There’s a gourmet supermarket (a bit like Whole Foods, but less exquisite) within walking distance from my studio. For lunch, I packed a chobani, a banana, and a luna bar, and planned to buy the rest in the store. First off I helped myself to a free sample of this multi-grain “health bread.” I took the slice and ate the whole thing. ED was silent about it and the bread was delicious. Then I got some (unmeasured, no nutrition stat) chicken noodle soup, with more noodles, chicken, and veggies than broth, and a (unmeasured, no nutrition stat) roll. A white roll, mind you, as they were out of whole wheat. And I ate everything minus the luna bar, but I ate it with dinner. I wasn’t too stuffed or feeling too guilty or upset. I won’t bore you with dinner, but I didn’t measure or count anything with that either.

Did I just eat intuitively all day today? I think I did. I suppose eating the lecsó had a bigger impact on me than I thought. But it’s good. I know I’ve said this already, but I am pleasantly shocked that I have no negative feelings toward this. Granted, I have no positive feelings either. I’m numb and indifferent, like it’s not really me and I’m watching someone else eat. But I am not being abused and tormented by the monster in my head. So I take that as a good thing. By forcing myself to not obsessively count, I’ve realized that intuitive eating is not a scary thing. It’s safe to say that when it comes to calories, I’m over it. It’s not worth my time or energy anymore. Hopefully this is truly the start of the end of ED!

Have a lovely Sunday everyone!

6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 26, 2011 9:26 pm

    SO PROUD OF YOU, BRYANA!!!!! 🙂 That is an amazing accomplishment! You go girl. Keep it up! ❤

  2. March 26, 2011 9:55 pm

    I can’t begin to describe to you how proud I am! You’ve made such amazing progress and you’re working so hard. This is such an accomplishment and I’m so happy for you.

    Keep kicking ED’s butt! You’re amazing<3

  3. March 26, 2011 11:06 pm

    Wow, Bryana! Seriously, I am so proud of how much progress you’ve made and I’m sure you’re proud too–you deserve to be! You’re so right–calorie counting is such a waste of time. Keep up the amazing work, girlie 🙂

  4. March 27, 2011 1:50 pm

    That’s so awesome. You go girl!

  5. March 27, 2011 3:41 pm

    That is so great to hear. Keep up the good work and keep fighting! You’re amazing.

  6. March 28, 2011 11:52 am

    I am so proud of you Bryana! Stopping calorie counting was the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my recovery 🙂 You are so amazing 🙂


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