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February 24, 2011

Today, my appetite has been insatiable. I ate practically the same breakfast I always do – which usually keeps me full for 4 hours – and yet I was hungry 2 1/2 hours later. I couldn’t take it any longer and ate an early lunch. Now it’s another 2 1/2 hours later as I type this, and I am STARVING. My stomach is literally rumbling. This is so weird…I haven’t even danced today, so it’s not like that’s working up an appetite.

Since I’ve gained so much weight, I’ve been a little wary of eating off schedule. At the beginning of my weight restoration, when I was dangerously underweight, I didn’t really care when I ate because I knew I needed the calories no matter what. Now, I’m not officially underweight anymore; my BMI is 18.6. I know, I know, height-to-weight charts and BMI’s mean nothing, (especially since my BMI was 20.8 before I lost weight) but all I’m saying is that my body is far from starving anymore. It’s exactly that which makes it harder to accept the hunger, because I feel like I have less of an excuse to eat. Gosh, doesn’t that sound dumb? As if I need an excuse to eat. But still, the nagging voice in my head keeps telling me, “You’re not skinny now, so you shouldn’t be so hungry. It’s ok to eat less/restrict fats/ignore hunger cues because you’ve got all that extra weight on you.”

Gosh, I’m so hungry. And I really want to go out to a restaurant with my mommy, but I’m scared. It’s called Cafe Paris, (coincidence that Paris is my favorite place on Earth? I think not! :-)) and it’s one of my favorites. Even during my ED in the past, I mustered up the courage to go a couple of times. The owner is a nice young French lady, and she always recognizes us. And obviously, the food is fantastic. I am craving one of the galette bretonnes right now, which are divine…better than the one I had in France.

I’m definitely scared, and I’m worried I’ll be too anxious to have my nighttime snack afterwards. But eating out would be a major step towards recovery, and I think I am ready to face this challenge.

I think…


How do you feel about eating out in restaurants?

Have you ever had a galette bretonne?

7 Comments leave one →
  1. February 24, 2011 4:06 pm

    I feel the same way normally too >8O
    It is quite backwards though, you think “I shouldn’t be hungry becuase I’m at a ‘normal’ weight”..but if you think about it, you should be more hungry becuase you have more of you to keep going. (the bigger the person weight and height wise the faster their metabolism is naturally) XP Plus, 18.6 is only .2 away from “underweight” and (as you mentioned) BMI is not always reliable.
    I think I am the opposite though with the “off schedule” eating thing. Before it was more because I was just afraid to eat in general, outside of designated times…now, I feel like I can trust myself a little bit more, and can lighten up (I feel comfortable with in a 30 minute give or take time. Before it was on the dot.)
    Be glad for one thing though- you can feel physical hunger! LOL. I still pretty much never have that sensation, or don’t quite know what it is like (I can remember, but don’t feel it, rarely ever). I get other sensations to know when I need to eat (but still eat by the clock) like feeling tired, or irritated, etcetera.
    Eating out at restaurants…eh. I don’t get the point. It gets me mad sometimes. For one thing I don’t really ever enjoy the food so I see it as a waste of money (when used on me, for other people it’s fine). Then I always feel like I could have saved my money and done something else with it or made the same thing at home. I have no idea what a galette bretonne is..*looks on Google* nope, never seen it XP

  2. February 24, 2011 7:50 pm

    I can relate to hearing your ED tell you that you should be less hungry because you are at a healthier weight. But as the comment above said, because you have more calorie hungry tissue, you should feel more hunger! That is healthy and normal. And remember that your body changes every day. Even if you didn’t dance, your metabolism could be particurally high today.
    I used to love eating out pre-ED but now.. not so much. I wish I could be more comfertable in a restuarant setting but usually I don’t enjoy what I’m eating and the price seems a bit extravagent. I want to work on regaining my love for restuarants though and use it as an oppurtunity to try new things.
    I have never had or heard of a galette bretonne but it sounds delicious.
    I wish you the best of luck when you eat out! Enjoy yourself girl, you deserve it(:

  3. February 24, 2011 9:10 pm

    I totally get feeling weird about eating more than usual or getting hungry at weird times. I hate it to be honest and I usually tell myself to just stick it out until my next meal or snack. But really, it’s so much better to just honor your body and eat something small and filling, such as a banana or some crackers with nut butter, especially if you weren’t gonna eat for another few hours. That way, you can keep your stomach happy without worrying about possibly binging in the future. Hopefully this helps 🙂

    I really do like eating out, but only if it’s a place where I know ahead of time that there’s something there I have eaten before and liked a lot. I like to try new places, but only if I can check the menu online beforehand and find a few things I might order. I really hate it though when I try something new and it’s not so great and I feel like I wasted all that money.

    But I know you can tackle this challenge, girlie 😀

  4. February 25, 2011 5:09 am

    I’ve been experiencing that kind of hunger a lot recently and it is pretty off putting. Although I know from experience that restricting is definitely not the solution in these situations, as it usually make things worse in the long run and can even lead to binging or overeating later down the lime. Our bodies are puzzling at times, but if you give it what it needs I believe it will balance out in the end.

    And I enjoy eating out, but I haven’t had the opportunity to is a LONG time. I know you’ve got this challenge in the bag though, you are strong enough!

    Enjoy yourself!!!

  5. February 25, 2011 5:36 am

    I LOVE eating out in restaurants now. I went a whole week eating all of my meals in restaurants and cafes and when I got home, I was so bummed because it meant that I actually had to MAKE my food. Although the good side of it was that I didn’t have to spend any extra money 😛

    I’ve never had a gallette bretonne before! It sounds intriguing 😛

    You are doing SO FREAKING WELL in your recovery, Bryana! It’s hard to come to terms with this fact but some days you are just simply more hungry than others. Some days my hunger is so intense that I just want to cry because it’s like nothing will make it go away. It isn’t until I actually eat enough that I can finally calm down and go about my day as usual. Although I have to say I would rather be insatiably hungry than not hungry at all. There is no pleasure in eating when you’re not hungry. And plus, I like eating 😉

    I hope you enjoy your meal out!!!


  6. recordsandmemos permalink
    February 25, 2011 9:07 pm

    Hi Bryana, Happy Birthday! Enjoy your sweet sixteen!

    I fully understand your feelings of guilt over eating now that you are at a “healthy weight”. It is the same for me. I know that I weigh enough now, so shame and fear set in after I eat a decent amount of food because I could always loose a little and it would be alright…NOT. That’s a lie that I have to keep myself from believing!

    Keep up the great work towards full recovery and have a great weekend!

    -PK @

  7. February 26, 2011 2:17 pm

    I feel the same way a lot, like I am hungry but I shouldn’t be. But trust me, follow your bodys signals, it knows best 🙂

    And resturaunts can be scary, but normal people do it and we have got to get used to it. I know you can do it!

    Stay strong,


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