A Whole Bunch of Random
Hello, Lovely Ladies (and Gentleman :-))
I know I haven’t done a proper post in a long time. Monday’s was short, Tuesday I did the “7 random facts” post, and Wednesday I didn’t post at all. I usually blog at night, and I do it in bits so it takes about 3 hours from start to finish. Sometimes you’ve just gotta take a break from it all and watch Family Guy at 7:30 and American Idol at 8, right?
For years I refused to watch either. I’m not sure why; I guess neither seemed worth wasting time on. Sometime last month, on two separate nights, they came on when what I was watching ended. I just kept the TV on that channel, and I fell in love with both!
Actually, Chris Medina is the only reason I watch Idol. His story touched my heart, he has the voice of an angel, and I honestly feel he deserves to win!
This made me cry the first time I saw it.
On Saturday when I went to Whole
Paycheck Foods, I picked up some light silken tofu. I love Katie, and when I saw this recipe, I immediately wanted to try it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the light kind of tofu anywhere, and ED was not ok with regular. So anyway, I finally found it and have been cooking my version of that recipe for the past 4 days!
Usually my oats are already super-creamy, but the blended tofu made them even creamier. I didn’t think that was possible, but it happened.
In this delicious mix was
3/4 cup rolled oats
1/4 block of morinu light silken tofu (about 90 grams), blended with 2 tbs water
1 tablespoon + 2 teaspoons maranatha almond butter
2 packets truvia
splash of vanilla extract
I cut the amount of water down from the suggested 1 1/2 cups to just 1, in order to account for the liquid in the tofu and the fruit. After I mixed the tofu into the oats, I let a ton of the moisture evaporate, and was left with a huge pot of thick, creamy, ooey-gooey oatmeal. So. Freakin’. Good!
So on Monday I blogged about the chocolate-covered strawberries I knew my dad was hiding. I published this post and went downstairs. Surprise, surprise! Daddy went into the garage and brough out the strawbs. I was only a little anxious the day before about eating the unmeasured chocolate, and I was also anxious about an hour earlier that night. But by the time I actually was about to eat them, all the anxiety was gone. I was just being a teenage girl, about to eat two huge, chocolate-drenched strawberries on Valentine’s Day. That seems pretty healthy and normal, no? Even when I was anxious, I was not nearly as apprehensive or uncomfortable as I expected to be, and I didn’t feel even a drop of guilt afterwards.
These are chocolates Daddy got for Mommy. Each one is flavored differently – some are double chocolate, raspberry, amaretto, mocha, champagne, or mango.
I have droned on and on about how eating unmeasured food terrifies me, and yet, I was pleasantly calm about this whole situation. I want to believe that eating the chocolate was no biggie because I am recovered enough to feel comfortable loosening the chains on my measuring. I hope it is because I subconsciously said to ED, “You know what? Screw you! I’m going to eat the strawberries and you can’t stop me. My Daddy loves me so much and spent money on this expensive chocolate and I want to make him happy. And I love chocolate and I want to make me happy!” Maybe ED actually stayed quiet.
Perhaps it is because I no longer need to measure everything to feel in control. I have found other ways to get that sense of control (dying my hair, driving soon), so measuring just seems like a useless chore. I hope it is because my eating disorder is dying, and I will soon be free. Well, whatever the reason, I enjoyed both choco-strawbs, and they were damn good!!!
Oh no! A little mousey nibbled on one of the strawberries before I got to take a picture! ;-)
I have another appointment today with both the psychiatrist and my regular doc for a weigh-in today. I’m not so thrilled about the first one. Seriously, that man has one of the most annoying voices ever. As for my weigh-in, I am excited. I am really confident that I’ve gained again, and I can’t wait to get it confirmed!
Have you won any battles against your ED recently?
Do you watch American Idol? What did you think of Chris Medina?