Skip to content

One Fried Dough Stronger!

February 9, 2011

I ate the donut!!!

I actually ate the donut. That was the first time in two years that I’d willingly and healthily eaten a treat like that. I’m still in a bit of shock from it all. My ED used to have a very strict list of foods that were no-no’s. Well, I guess he still does, I just don’t really listen to it as much.

On that list are any type of pastry (donuts, muffins, cakes, pies, cupcakes, brownies, and such), desserts with high-fructose corn syrup (though if it’s in anything else…say cereal, that’s ok. Stupid, huh?), partially hydrogenated anything, full fat dairy, table sugar, and anything deep-fried. That one donut (ok, so half and half. :-)) broke every single one of those rules. The best part is that it was absolutely delicious. Eating it to piss ED off would have been one thing; the fact that I truly enjoyed every bite made it that much better.  

There was so much I missed out on because of ED. Two summers ago in Venice, I spent way too much time taking pictures of the food I wanted to eat instead of actually eating it. I wanted to taste this tiramisu gelato so badly, and I never did. 😦

Eating this thing was no easy task. Yesterday afternoon, I had a bit of a mini panick attack. I had a massive food baby from a lunch that was very large in volume. As I’m sure you know, my stomach is my major ED-sensitive area. I started thinking that I had to eat the donut, and I wasn’t sure I wanted it anymore. A minute later it occurred to me that no one was going to make me eat it if I didn’t want to, and at first, I calmed down a little. I got soon got sad though when I realized that the only reason I was changing my mind was because ED was yelling at me that I was fat-ass who didn’t need to be eating donuts.

Itty-bitty baby pizzas. Too cute!


Now you have to remember that this whole mental episode was happening during ballet class. I must have looked really stupid standing in the back, hyperventilating and tearing up. Luckily, I was able to negotiate with ED. I told him I didn’t have to decide right then. I would wait until I got home and see if my stomach when down.

In the end, my stomach was flatter, but not nearly enough for my ED’s liking. I ate the donut anyway. 🙂

Unfortunately, ED did get some say in what the rest of my snack was. I usually have 2 slices of toast with nut butter and jam + enusure plus + banana for my snack. I had initially planned to eat one of the slices with the donut, but the thought of eating fat in the nut butter along with fat in the donut seemed overwhelming. Thankfully, ED didn’t protest when I chose Smart Balance Light to spread on my toast with jam instead of the PB. I forgot how much I love the melty margarine on crunchy toast. It was my go-to afternoon snack for years. I am so happy that I got to savor two old favorites last night.

Cioccolato Gelato in Venezia. Mmmm!!!


I think I fully comprehended something important last night. Eating one cookie/muffin/donut/brownie won’t kill me. It won’t make me wake up the next morning obese;  one treat a week, or even a day, won’t even make me gain a pound! For months I’ve understood this in theory, and though I would repeat it to myself like a broken record, deep down I never believed it. Eating that little oil-soaked goody made me realize that food isn’t good or bad. It’s all just food. If I don’t overeat dessert, I won’t get fat, and if I don’t undereat it, I won’t feel deprived. It’s all about balance. I am very, very ready to open up a whole new world of moderation, which definitely includes enjoying desserts!

PS: My foam roller came in the mail today. It massages out any tight muscles and strengthens my upper body. It’s just what I need after a day of dancing, and I love it!!!

I look like such a dork 🙂



Have you tried gelato? What’s your favorite flavor of gelato or ice cream?

In America, my favorites are dark chocolate, coffee, and anything with peanut butter (are you surprised?) When I visit family in Hungary, I love to try different ones like poppy-seed, rice pudding, hazelnut, and sour cherry.

Do you allow yourself to enjoy treats every now and again?

From now on I plan to!


9 Comments leave one →
  1. February 10, 2011 1:00 am

    My favorite ice cream is also anything with peanut butter! Yum 🙂
    And I have yet to have a donut since ED, but I have definitely had my fair share of treats, and let me tell you that it can be so overwhelming but surprisingly fun and exciting at the same time!
    I’m proud of you for going outside of ED’s confines!
    P.s. The gelato looks so yummy!!
    Enjoy the foam roller & have a great weekend 🙂
    P.s. Thanks for all of your comments. They are so helpful.
    ❤ Haley

  2. February 10, 2011 3:22 am

    yay for the donut! glad you enjoyed it.. i have tried gelato-many times!!! living in London has given me so many opportunities to travel in Europe.. its good stuff! much better than ice cream!

  3. February 10, 2011 5:42 am

    This was so wonderful to read, Bryana! I’m so glad that you didn’t let ED beat you in the end. What’s most important is that you learned from this and you have come out stronger. SO amazing 🙂

    I most definitely treat myself everyday although I no longer consider it a treat now because it’s a part of my healthy balanced way of eating (I don’t like the word “diet”). It’s usually a cookie or two, a muffin (or two) or some chocolate. I really can’t go a day without my sweet treats anymore 😛

    I’ve never tried Gelato! Even though I can’t handle very much dairy I would never miss the chance to have gelato! Favorite ice cream flavor would either be vanilla, neopolitan (do you get that there?) or chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. hehe.


    • February 10, 2011 8:14 am

      Katy, I always blog at night, and waking up the next morning to your comments is amazing. You are always so sweet and supportive! Yup, we do have neopolitan over here. I 100% agree with you on the chocolate!

  4. February 10, 2011 11:54 am

    Ooooh Gelato. I had some in France and Italy about a year and a half ago. It was aaaaamazing. I can’t remember what flavors I had, I just remember there was a HUGE selection and I didn’t want to go with something boring like chocolate (come to think of it though, I’m pretty sure I tried out Tiramisu :P)

    I’m so proud of you for eating that doughnut. You are 100% right about one treat not killing you or making to fat overnight. You did a great job at showing ED who’s boss.

    Take care!

  5. Sarah permalink
    February 10, 2011 12:34 pm

    GREAT job, girl!!! Tackling a doughnut is a huge success! You showed ed who was boss, that’s for sure.

    I’m amazed with your strength and determination to keep fighting. You are so positive and so motivated, no matter how badly recovery can suck at times. I love this about you. The ability to find the positive in every situation is a gift, love. You have it! Keep fighting!!


  6. February 10, 2011 1:58 pm

    I’m so happy to hear that you kicked ED’s butt! It can be so hard but it’s so worth it!

    I love love love gelato! It really is the best 🙂 For me it’s a great treat when I get to have it. My favorite flavors would have to be green apple, birthday cake and soy chocolate. I live near a place that has 30 flavors and they’re all so good I really should go more often 😉
    Oh and I love your hair in that last picture–so pretty!

  7. dmcgirl37 permalink
    February 10, 2011 4:19 pm

    i’m sooo sooo proud of you! this post was so inspiring =) you brightened my day

    Dana xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: