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February 2, 2011

HAPPY FEBRUARY! Gosh, hasn’t January whizzed by? Yesterday was New Years Eve, I blinked, and now it’s February.

Ahhhh, February…the best month of the year. Why is February so special you ask? Why, my birthday is this month. Yes, I turn 16 in 24 days, and can drive in 26. This month is just full o’ fun, idn’ it?

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I’m still new at this, and I had it in my head that I have to post every single night. I had posted 20 consecutive nights, and when I got home from ballet yesterday, I just had no energy or desire to blog. Actually, I don’t think I had any ideas for what to talk about either. But that was yesterday. Today I have things I would like to talk – well, more like ramble – about.

I woke up to a world of ice today. It was sleeting yesterday and froze over night, coating everything.

I know those are just tree branches, but everything else was coated too.


I have some happy news. And by news, I mean totally useless information to anyone but myself. But I’ll share it anyway. I have gained enough weight, and especially in my butt (YES! I have a butt now! :-)) that when I sit in a chair, my pelvic bone no longer digs into it. In the past, when I sat in a cushioned chair, I could feel my bones pressing straight through the padding. And cushion-less chair? Now that was torture. I’d feel two little points in my pelvis (which I just googled and found out are called the ischium), supporting all XX pounds of my weight. Now, I have my own fleshy butt cushion to support not XX pounds, but all XXX pounds of me. I’m in the triple digits baby!

Random…I know. I was bored and was fooling around. My mom asked is she could take a picture. And yes, my room is a mishmash of fairies, The Little Mermaid, and Michael Jackson.


While I would sit at my computer doing schoolwork, I’d absent-mindedly touch my hipbones. I could actually feel the entire outline of my pelvis, all along my hips, and up into my lower back. I was literally able to trace the defined shape of the bone. Yesterday I realized I was only touching my hips. The bones are gone! I’ve got a little curvy flesh action going on in place of the pokey bone action. I am surprising myself by saying this, but I like it. It seems like most of the weight went to my butt and legs – which I love, and some to my hips and tummy. None went to my upper half, but I figure that’s the last place I need it right now.

For lunch I treated myself to a banana split a la Bryana. It had 1 banana, chobani greek yogurt mixed with cereal, date molasses, and a cherry on top. I had a small bowl of edamame and raisins alongside.


Though I love that sitting isn’t painful anymore, I’m not completely sure how I feel about the way I look, especially at ballet. On the one hand, I love looking at myself straight on. I don’t mean to sound narcissistic, but I am entranced by how much more defined my waist is and how much wider (in a good way) my hips are. On the other hand,when I look at myself sideways, I see that my stomach never goes as flat as it used to, and that really bothers me.

Maybe I should rephrase: it really bothers ED that I can’t see or feel as many bones, and that my tummy sticks out a tad. I love that I look less and less like a prepubescent boy with each passing day. I’m a 16-year-old young lady. It is high time I start looking like one again.

My doctor has told me that the more I weigh, the less anxious I will feel about life, but about food in particular. I noticed I was less worried about everything the last time I was weight restored. And she is right again! Lately, stressing over food choices or obsessing over ways to restrict just don’t happen. Sure, I still get anxious over my stomach fattness fullness, but I quickly remember why I’m gaining weight. I have to remind myself that there are so many more important things in life then what my stomach is doing. I have so much living to cram into the next 70+ years; I don’t have any more time to waste focusing on my waist.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 3, 2011 1:51 am

    Hooooly moly, you are bendy! I looked at that picture and I thought it was your arm for a second! I wish I could do that. Remind me never to put my mat next to yours at a yoga class 😉

    I’m so proud of you for doing so well with the weight gain! Yes, there are some pretty nasty thoughts that come along with not being able to feel certain bones the way you used to but it’s a great step because it means you are at less of a risk of getting osteoporosis and other such bone damage. The more covered up the bones are, the more protected they will be. I, too, am not the biggest fan of how my tummy never goes flat anymore but I’m coming to terms with it. My tummy doesn’t define who I am. The fat on my tummy is there to protect my organs and protect my future baby that will form and grow inside of it. Sure, I wish I looked like those victoria secret models. But at the end of the day, if there was suddenly a natural disaster and food stores were short, they’d be the first ones to go. (haha!)

    That banana split a la Bryana looks like music to my eyes 😛 YUM!


  2. February 3, 2011 2:20 pm

    That’s so exciting that you’re almost 16! Enjoy it while you can, it goes by fast and then you wish you were in high school again! And driving is soooooo much fun too, it was scary for me at first but you definitely get used to it and having the freedom is amazing 🙂 Congrats on your weight gain, too. You have such a positive attitude about it, which is great!

    I’m totally in love with Greek yogurt (my favorite brand is Oikos) so I’ll definitely have to try something similar to your banana split!

  3. February 3, 2011 4:33 pm

    I love your positive attitude about weight gain.

    I remember when people first started commenting on my weight gain. But they always told me how much better I looked, how my face was less boney and how I looked more alive. Now looking back at old pictures I look so tired and worn all the time. Our bodies look way better at their “natural state” as opposed to where we try to push them into. Sure that silly voice in your head will try to convince you otherwise, but remember that it also distorts the way you see yourself. Everyone else thinks you are looking better by the day!

    Man, I wish I could be as flexible as you! And your banana split looks AAAAAMAZING. I want a lunch like that 😛

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