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What Will You Gain When You Gain?

January 26, 2011

******Trigger warning! If you know you get triggered by numbers of weight and calories, please be kind to yourself and do not read this. I’ll just catch ya’ on the next post. :-)******




Do any of you ever wish the Special K commercial’s slogan was, “What will you gain when you gain?” I sure do. “What will you gain when you lose?” seems insulting, like the only way a person can succeed in life is by losing weight. I dunno…that’s just how it comes across to me.

It’s snowing here like crazy. We got about 4 inches earlier today, and we are supposed to get another 8-12 over night. I love snow. I meant to bring my camera out with me to the appointment, but sadly, I forgot. Everything was beautiful, like a winter wonderland.

I know I said yesterday that I wanted to discuss something about scales and such today, but after this Dr. check-up, I feel it is more important for me to write about that. Now if you kept reading past the warning, this is number two: starting in the following paragraph there are numbers. Please do not compare yourself to me, as we are all different. I am only writing actual numbers as a way to help myself visualize my weight restoration process.

No foodie pics today. The lighting was amazing in my room today, and my kitty was the purrfect model. 🙂


Ok, you’ve been warned. At about Christmas, I was 97 lbs. I had a weigh-in on the 28th, and that was how much I weighed. The next time I went, which I believe was the 11th of this month, I had dropped to 94.9. My food intake had not changed, but ballet had started up again after winter break. Obviously, the amount of calories needed for me to maintain weight without exercise was now not enough for maintenance with class. The worst part is, around Christmas, I was eating about 1700-1800 calories daily, and had been maintaining.  Then, at the start of January, I upped the intake to 2,200, but when I went back two weeks later, I had lost just over two pounds.

You guys can bet that when I’m 70, I’ll be the creepy cat lady who has about twenty of them.


I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating that was for me; to eat 400 calories more per day but lose weight seemed illogical and unfair. I left that appointment almost in tears. The next week was the psychiatrist visit. I definitely admit that he scared a lot of the ED out of me and a lot of sense into me. The prospect of osteopenia made me feel weak to my knees. Since then I  jacked the calories way up to 2,600 and, like I mentioned yesterday, haven’t danced in over a week.

I am ecstatic to report that as of today, I weigh 99.5 pounds. That is 4.6 pounds up from just two weeks ago. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I am extremely pleased with that progress. I only need to gain ten (or twelve, depending on whether my period returns), more pounds, and I’m set. At this rate, that means by the beginning of March, I will be at my Doctor approved goal weight of 110-112 pounds. That’s not bad at all considering I was 117 at my highest and was senseless enough to starve my body down to 88 skeletal pounds at my lowest.

She was sitting on her scratching post staring out into the snow. Notice Michael Jackson in the background?


I am ready to barrel full speed ahead and do this weight restoration business. I am rather anxious that as my weight increases and my intake to maintain increases, the intake to gain will be too much for me to handle in my tummy. But – and I’m laughing at myself as I type this – those are the exact words I spoke about eating the 2,600 calories I can comfortably consume now. I’ll see; I’m trying not to look too far (Oh goodness, I just typo-ed “fat”. Gosh, the irony) into the future.

This one is my favorite!



My next appointment got stretched out to 3 weeks from now instead of the usual 2, which is the unofficial reward for gaining. Needless to say I am thrilled about that as well. There are so many more productive ways to spend time than by sitting in Doctor’s offices, dontcha think?

As I suspected, my parents agreed to let me go to ballet class, under the condition that I eat an additional 400 calories to make up for it. And I am fine with that, I’m just happy I’ll be dancing. I can feel the Friday morning soreness already. 🙂

 So my question for you is:

What will you gain when you gain? Or: What have you gained since you’ve gained?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 27, 2011 10:25 am

    I’m so happy that you’ll be able to start dancing again. You really worked hard and deserve that kind of a rewards.

    By gaining I have gained:

    – more energy
    – healthier skin and hair
    – improved concentration
    – a renewed sense of what warm is (I was ALWAYS cold before)
    – more personality (it’s hard to have one when you’re drought and weak all the time)
    – the ability to incorporate more exercise into my life
    – a more realistic outlook on food (no, eating one cookie will not make me gain overnight)
    – less fear of eating
    – the ability to experiment with more foods

    The list could go on and on, but I think by now you get the picture 😛

  2. January 27, 2011 10:39 pm

    Bryanna, your attitude reminds me of my own when I was gaining! It’s so lovely to read!!! I know that deep down there is probably a part of you (the ED part) that is telling you shit for gaining, but I love how YOU shine through in this post and that you are genuinely happy for getting your body and health back. WELL DONE YOU!!! When we are going through weight restoration, our metabolisms do craaazy things like one week they are slow and we gain nicely and then the next week they speed up and we are crazy hungry and there is not enough food in the world to satisfy you. I’m so so proud of you!

    Your kitty is gorgeous!!

    What have I gained since I’ve gained? My life back. Plain and simple 🙂

    xxx P.S I’ve added you to my google reader. I love your blog!!

    • BecomingBryana permalink*
      January 27, 2011 11:30 pm

      My metabolism? This past week it has felt like an incinerator, burning up the food as quickly as I shoveled it in. In the beginning, I was not very hungy at all, but the more I ate, the more ravenous I became. And I became more open to eating as I ate more as well. Feeling these hunger signals and listening to them sure beats the heck out off ignoring them and being starving all the time. And thank you, I’m honestly flattered that you like my blog that much. 🙂

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