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Small Things Do Add Up.

January 22, 2011

Before I start, I want to apologize. This is like my 4th or 5th post (out of a whole 10 :-)) that is sort of negative. It’s not depressing or anything, but in all, the vibe is pretty Debbie Downer. I promise though that I will try to make my next post as happy as a clam. Though I’m not sure why clams are so happy. Their whole lives are spent buried at the bottom of the sea. Ok, enough with my rambling…

Typical oatmeal with a chopped bartlett, almond butter, raisins, and a glass of leche.


Do you ever have those days where you’re in a bad mood, not because something happened, but because a whole lot of little somethings happened? The kinds of things that wouldn’t bother you on their own, but when they keep happening, it turns your mood sour? Yeah, that was my day. For S’s birthday present, I made her a little album. I included pictures from things like our first ballet summer intensive, her first Nutcracker season (which was my 5th :-)), a bunch of random images I stalked her Facebook for, copied, pasted, and printed, and other things like that. I woke up this morning after only 6.5 hours of sleep, and halfway though cooking my oatmeal, I realized that I hadn’t completed it. So after breakfast, I spent the next 3 hours finishing that album. Ok, so that was the first thing.

Ahhhhh, much better in the natural daylight, no?


The second is not really relevant to the rest of this post, so I’m going to make it snappy. Mommy and I went to the mall to get me shoes. Macy’s and a place called Shoe Woo had the same pair of shoes I wanted. We made four trips between the stores checking the prices and size. Macy’s and Shoe Woo are on opposite ends of the mall. I’ll just say that I for more exercise than I bargained for.

Random tidbit: I chew waaaaaaay too much gum at a time. I go through 1/2 pack in a day when I have it. It makes the muscles above my temples really sore though, so when I’m through with the pack, I don’t buy it for a little while.


Another quick “something” that upset me was that we left for the party late. It was starting at 4, and I told my parents I wanted to leave at 3:40. But we left at 4. And got there at 4:12. I know it’s really not a big deal at all, but like I said before, punctuality is important to me, and leaving late did add to my anxiety.

 One of the pairs I got at the mall, suede Nine West pumps. I adore the little bow!


The party was great, save for dinner time. Oddly enough, there was nobody our age. Her grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a bunch of neighbors were there. The neighbor’s children, who were 8 to 11-year-old boys, were also invited. The only other kid our age was her cousin. I thought it strange that the whole Sweet Sixteen for her was full of adults and little children, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. We chatted a while about random things. We laughed. I mean I actually laughed. Not that half-assed phony laugh either. I’m talking the full-out, hearty, deep-from-the-belly laugh. And you know what? It felt great. We went on her brand new laptop and watched YouTube videos that made us laugh even harder. I was actually really enjoying myself. Then, it was dinner time.

This is the second pair I got, the ones we ran back and forth between stores for. They are Nine West as well.


S is half Italian and her grandparents live with them. Her very old-fashion Italian grandmother cooked an Italian feast for us. There was eggplant and chicken parmesan smothered in what I can only assume to be full-fat mozzarella. With that was baked ziti, homemade gnocchi, and 3 or 4 other choices. I didn’t eat a bite. I drank 3 diet sodas and watched others eat. I don’t consider it a failure, because I didn’t go in expecting myself to eat. I do, however, feel sad. I realize how far I am from being comfortable with social and intuitive eating. It’s also sad for me to think that just 2 years ago, I was sitting in the very same room, drinking real coke and eating pizza without a care at S’s 14th birthday party. But honestly, I’m not dwelling on it too much because I know that one day I will get back there again.

After dinner, she opened her presents. She seemed to love the album, and passed it around for everyone to look at once she flipped through it. So of course that made me happy that she liked it. After presents, it was 7 o’clock, and for very ED reasons, I wanted to leave. I was hungry but didn’t want to eat there, and I was freezing. They always keep it cold in their house, but only because I’m underweight does it bother me.  We did leave shortly after, but I was and still am feeling guilty for not staying longer, for not eating anything (not even dry salad or carrot sticks), and for being so damn anorexic in front of them again!

In a pathetic attempt to end this post positively, I leave you with pictures of my kitty, Rainbow, who always makes me feel better when I’m down:

🙂 This one was taken just minutes ago 🙂

One Comment leave one →
  1. goldenbough permalink
    January 23, 2011 7:28 am


    Don’t apologise for having a bit of a negative post – this is your blog, use it as you wish!

    I think you are being a bit hard on yourself with regards to the party. It’s great that you went and had a good time. Eating there may have been too difficult for you this time, but you didn’t use it as an excuse not to go. And there’s always next year! Use it as something to work towards.

    Love the shoes!

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