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Good News and Bad News

January 19, 2011

Let’s start with the bad news, shall we? Just to get it over with.

My psychiatrist appointment yesterday was actually not as bad as I expected. The bad news part is that (and remember, he’s a complete stranger) the doc seemed really worried that I might start to develop osteoporosis. 

 He asked when my last period was, and how much I weighed then. When I told him that I last had my period in April 2009, he looked disturbed…which, to be honest, totally freaked me out. He literally re-asked me, “You haven’t gotten your period in almost 2 years?” At that point my stomach was in a tight knot and I felt sick. He asked if I’d ever had a bone density scan, and I said yes. When? About a year ago. And what were the results? It was completely normal.

So now he wants me to get another one to see how much damage has been done since then. Then he started on a lecture about what osteoporosis is (like I don’t know), and how if things don’t change, I could easily develop it. Even though I knew it all, listening to it made me feel nauseous like I was going to puke all over his carpet or something. He told me I need to gain 2 lbs a week. And that he thinks I should stop dancing for now to not burn calories unnecessarily. He called my parents in and pretty much repeated what he told me.They talked a bit and asked questions. Then he gave us a slip for a new bone test and we left.

I was really mad the whole ride home.  Some of the things my parents told the doc upset me. But more than anything, I was just FREAKED OUT about how serious he seemed about my bones. I so do not want to be 16 with the same bones as my grandma.

Today I’ve definately been eating. At lunch  I’d eaten more calories than I usually would have by dinner. Actually, I was already eating a pretty large amount. In fact, the doc said if I wasn’t trying to gain it would be plenty to maintain. But to gain 2 lbs per week I need to up my intake by a lot. I don’t really mind. The aspect of gaining that much weight that quickly isn’t what bothers me. I’m still just sick to my stomach thinking about the possibility of me with osteoporosis.

For me, having an ED is a bit like a rollercoaster. And while I absolutely adore real rollercoasters, Rollercoaster ED is one I could do without. I’ve decided that I’m getting the hell off this ride before it’s too late. I’m running away from the dangerous metal tracks as fast as I can and I am not looking back.

I am going to gain the weight, I am going to get my period back, and I am not going to sit back while ED gives me  osteoporosis. 

Aaannndd, on a totally different note, on to the good news.

I took two tests today: my final sociology test (done with the course, woohooo!), and a test in my grammar course. The courses I take have both open-book tests and closed-book, proctored tests. Both that I took today were the proctored ones, which meant they were worth  more toward my final grade in the course. I got a 100 in sociology and a 99 in grammar. So I was quite pleased with myself, to be honest.

Hmm…it seems that the bad news overshadows the good. But I’d like to focus on the positive, and when I think about it, the good news is pretty darn good. I did study a lot and I’m glad it paid off!

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