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Bryana: 1, ED: 0

January 17, 2011

I’ve had a headache all afternoon. It started at 2, and I took an ibuprofen. By 4:45 in the middle of class, it was still going strong and I took another one. Thankfully, by now it’s stopped. But that was one stubborn little guy. It took 2 ibuprofen and 5 hours to get him to go away. Anyway…

For my yummy lunch I had a piece of ezekiel bread with 2 tablespoons of whipped cottage cheese and 1/2 tablespoon of reduced sugar strawberry preserves. I also had a perfectly ripe bartlett pear (my hands down fav kind) and 1/3-ish of a banana. I had 1/2 tbs Smucker’s oraganic pb and 1/2 tbs chocolate soynut butter for fruit-spreading.

 

I am proud to report that I did eat lunch today. It was probably less than it should have been. But honestly not by much. Nothing I didn’t make up for later.

Part 1 of dinner was a nonfat plain chobani with cinnamon and truvia, with 1/3 cup Fiber 1 twigs and 1/3 Kashi GL cereal. I also enjoyed another perfect bartlett with 1/2 tbs White Chocolate Dreams pb and 1/2 tablespoon Biscoff (can we say gingerbread heaven?) 

 

Aside from my throbbing head, class was fun today. Mondays are always taught by our one male teacher/director. It’s just a regular technique class for the first 1 1/2 hours. The last hour is always a partnering class where we practice certain steps with the guys. It’s pretty hilarious, because there are about 10-15 girls (depending on whose absent) and 3 guys. So each of them had 4-5 partners. Lets just say we accomplish things reeeeaaalllly slooooooowly during partnering class. Overall though, class was fun.

Part 2 of dinner, clockwise from bottom left: 1/3 cup Kashi GL cereal, 1/4 cup honey nut cheerios, 1 container of nonfat chobani with the cinnamon and truvia works, 1 tbs maranatha creamy roasted almond butta, 1 tbs smuckers peanut butta, 1 banana, and another leftover banana chunk. 

 

Last part of dinner (dessert maybe?): 2 medjool dates stuffed with 1/2 tbs almond and 1/2 tbs peanut butter. 1/2 date just plain.

 

I got home around 6:45. Even though I hadn’t eaten since 2, I wasn’t too hungry. I did drink a lot on the ride home, so that may have filled me up. I ate part 1 of dinner, then went on the computer. My mom and I are huge House fans and so at 8, I went back down to watch the new episode with her. It was really good. In one scene, House drugs his girlfriend’s mom with sedatives. The whole thing was hysterical, and the best part is his girlfriend doesn’t even get mad. Actually, she seems pretty relieved.

During my show I munched on part 2 of dinner. And as the show ended I started fixing part 3. Like I said yesterday, it seems like I spend the last 1/3 of the day consuming 2/3 of my calories. It feels like all evening I’m just eatingeatingeating non-stop. I don’t know how I feel about this. I think I feel like it’s a good thing, because I know I’m underweight and need the calories and nourishment. It’s just a little odd, because I’ve spent the last 1/2 year trying to reduce my intake, and now it’s like a 180 flip, where I’m trying to get as much in as I can handle. It doesn’t bother me too much that I eat this way, so I don’t thing I’ll change it for right now.

What does bother me is that my parents made an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow at 5. That freaks me out and pisses me off. I don’t know why they think I’m that messed up that I need to go. I even spent like an hour arguing with them, trying to get them to see how much I’ve increased my food intake. I already have my usual therapy appointment tomorrow, so the psychiatrist seems extra pointless. I think that my parents try so hard to make sure they do the right thing for me in recovery but I don’t feel that they truly can comprehend the strides I’ve made. And so then I end up feeling, for a split second anyway, like all of my work is for nothing.

I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow to let you know what happened and how it went. At this point I’m just hoping for nothing too dramatic.

 

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