I Ate the Darn Stew!
Hola Lovies! Happy Friday!!!
I’m so glad you all like my vlog - I had fun doing it. Talking to a camara does feel a little weird, and now that I’ve re-watched it a couple of times, I just have to say: gosh, I’m cheesy!!! But I’m happy you guys enjoyed it, and now you can match a voice to my face!
So yesterday I accomplished something that I haven’t done in a very loooooong time. I ate a dinner that was
not controlled, counted, weighed and measured by me cooked by my mom! I enjoyed every bite and didn’t feel guilty afterwards!
***The rest of this post is extremely lengthy. I really needed to get this all out, and I know that it is very long. Don’t feel bad if you can’t make it through the whole thing. I probably couldn’t either. :-)***
Let me backtrack a little. (Now this might get a little wordy and confusing, so bear with me.)
On Tuesday, my mom went to the green grocers and stocked up on fruit + veg. Wednesday afternoon she told me she bought all the ingredients for lecsó - a Hungarian pepper, onion, and tomato stew that I ate frequently pre-ED and absolutely adore. She asked if I’d eat some should she cook it, and I said yes. I though it would be a good way to start conquering my fear of eating food cooked by others. Yesterday, my mom asked if I wanted the lecsó for dinner that night (Thursday) or the next night (Friday). After much debating and argument with my ED voice, I asked her to make it for dinner yesterday, instead of today.
The link above describes the various ways to make lecsó. If you haven’t yet or don’t want to click it, I’ll shorten it and tell you how my family makes lecsó. We saute onions in olive oil. Then the sliced peppers and tomatoes are added and cooked until soft. A lot of liquid comes out, so it’s pretty much just softened peppers and tomatoes in a bunch of pepper juice. And of course, we add some salt and paprika. Then while it’s still hot, we scramble eggs (usually 2 whole and 2 whites) and stir them into the peppers.
So this in not a heavy, creamy, meaty, typical Hungarian stew. It’s very light, and relatively low in calories. It’s usually eaten with bread to sop up the juice…though come to think of it, everything in Hungary is eaten with bread. Read: potato paprikás with bread on the side. Carbfest much? But anyway, calorie wise, I didn’t have much to worry about with the stew. My amazing fantastic, accommodating, loving mother even assured me she’d measure and only use 2 teaspoons of oil, and use only 1 whole egg with 3 whites. Obviously, I had nothing to worry about.
Yet, I was still worried. I was in the car halfway to ballet when it sort of caught up to me: I was about to eat this stew with an unknown amount of calories in it. I felt my nerves and anxiety rising, and honestly, I was scared!
This is why I LOVE being a part of this blogging community. I reached out to three beautiful, strong, incredible ladies, and they all showered me with support, encouragement, and an anti-ED voice. So Emma, Alexandra, and Sarah, thank you. Thank you for all your wise words. Thank you for being there for me when my own voice got lost amid all of ED’s yelling. Thank you for the understanding, reasoning and the reassurance that everything would be ok.
I got home from dance feeling much less anxious. (Thanks ladies!) In fact, I was excited for the challenge. I just got my bowl, took the serving spoon, and since there was nothing I could actually measure, I just served myself as much as I thought I wanted, then sat down. And let me tell you, this was delicious! The memories came flooding back with the first bite, and I was the ED-free Bryana again, the girl who loved food and didn’t care about calories.
Alexandra said something to me that I hadn’t really though of before: ED isn’t only weight. The foods you eat also matter. Up until now my main goal was weight gain. As long as I was gaining, it didn’t matter if I counted/measured. But now I realize that it does matter. I am practically weight restored, so it is ok if I don’t eat enough one day and eat a bit too much the next. What is too much or too little anyway? It all balances out in the end. So now it is time for me to learn to eat minus measuring. Intuitive eating was not an option for me for so long, just because I was scared I’d start loosing. But now I get very clear hunger-satiety cues from my body on a daily basis, and I think it’s ok to start listening to them.
And in fact, I think I did that yesterday. I ate a pretty good quantity of stew, but since it is only veggies, it didn’t have much staying power and I was hungry 1 hour later. So I fixed my usual post-dinner snack – a pb&j, dates, and ensure plus. Then I went about preparing my oats for breakfast, but when I was done, I was once again hungry. I ate a handful of soynut/almond/craisin mix and went upstairs. When I finally laid down to go to bed, I realized I was still hungry. I went downstairs and ate an unmeasured 1/2 of banana and an unmeasured amount of nut butter. And finally, I was full. I guess that’s what a light veggie stew dinner will do to ya’, but I’m glad I listened to my body and ate more food when I needed it! :-)
So, this post is suuuuuuuuper long already, but want to see my brekkie? ‘Course you do!
A bowl inspired by Carrie and based of this recipe. I cooked my oats the night before in 1.5 times the recommended water. In the morning, I heated it up, stirred in peanut butter, truvia, 1/2 a banana, and a chopped pear. Then I topped it with more banana, pear, and 2 chopped fudgies. Flavor-wise, this was incredible. Texture-wise – yuck! I prefer my oats thick (eat-with-a-fork thick) and I used too much water in this (drink-with-a-straw soupy) Bleh! Anyway, I will be re-making with much less water, because the flavors worked so well together.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
How do you feel about eating food prepared by others?
Oatmeal: thick or soupy?